Growing Up - The Mandatory Post-Birthday Reflections
Question : How much have I grown this past year?
A few things have happened to me … including obsession with anime, cramming for exams, not-sleeping-not-eating-well, landing myself in hospital, good choices + bad ones, yadda yadda yadda
but the question remains : have i matured, grown, learnt from the past year. or have i remained the same a year later, not much wiser, not much better.
i honestly dont really know. all i know is that i have been stressed out, busy, harried - but then again, not more so than the average JC student in Singapore. And comparatively, i don’t think im doing as well as certain star students, although i guess that doesnt really matter, what counts is wheter im satisfied with myself and what i have accomplished; what i have learnt.
Have i even learnt anything?
well, definately yes, in the sense of subject knowledge ie chem/bio/phys/maths/econs knowledge. in other areas, like leadership (which im still like, wth does the school desperately need EVERYONE to be a leader, cuz i sure dont think i can handle / dont want to handle, whatever it is), responsibility, independence …. somehow i dont feel much different than this time one year ago.
Even the style of this post remains virtually identical of that one year back.
Maybe, just maybe, growing up is something that happens so gradually that you dont realise it until it happens. But inching closer to the teen/ty divide - the impulse to is cling to childhood, to "easier" times perhaps, or just to a time where choices made were not as significant. where difficult decisions could be left to parents, or teachers, or someone older.
And then, with a jolt, the realisation comes, that we are now that "someone older".
I suppose there was always this half-belief that maturity comes from the sky, so to say. That one day all the ability and knowledge would suddenly be there, sitting in my head, like someone uploaded a "how to live life" manual directly into the brain. But of course, it isn’t true.
Maturity comes from experience … comes from mistakes - especially the repeated mistakes … comes from realising that the world, does not, in fact, revolve around you. which is something that hasnt really hit me yet. eventually, like it or not, everyone has to grow up.
For surely, living life as a child - without responsibilities, sure, but also without freedom - will eventually turn out to be a major pain in the neck.
As for me, i’ll continue making tentative steps, in a two-steps-forward-one-step-back-style, towards adulthood.
-eve-
