yet another pointless blog…

one the eve of the eve of the exam, i have a sudden urge to .. procastinate. and so therein lies the motivation for this post.

this whole "im-living-in-singapore-thing" is turning in to a ‘rite of passage’ of sorts for me. i guess its partly because im 18 this year.

18. the "legal" age. the age where im not officially classed as a child anymore.
it seems quite. daunting. cuz i have nowhere the the maturity to be counted as an adult (not even "young adult")

but still, it has been a difficult nine months. fun at times of course. but undeniably difficult. im not even going to paraphrase it as "challenging"

nine months:
of dealing with paperwork, be it from almighty MOE or the more humble (but still terrible to us mortals/students) AJC
of trying to find my niche, learning to more-or-less-fit-in with locals
(and its only often that you can hear the phrase "foreign talent" mentioned and not bang your head against the wall)
of surviving hostel food. and hostel life in general, oh-so-annoying rules and all.
of navigating the maze of emotions and homesickness and general suicidalness that accompanies students away from home
of weekly instant noodles and skipped meals and late nights of not studying.
of mrt, bus and taxi rides.
of the cycle of stress and studies and commitments and enrichment and things that we have stuffed down our throat
of trying to not to be addicted to the net. and failing. and trying again. repeated ad infinitum.
of wading thru foot-high stacks of lecture notes. and when thats done, campbell and reece is there gathering dust
of friendships gained and friendships fading away and hoping that when its all over we’ll be meeting again
of long distance communications and blog surfing to see wheter everyelse is going thru the same hell.

nine months.

hard to believe its been almost a year.
have i gained? *shrug* i guess it really isnt for me to say. i suppose one’s thing for sure tho.

i survived. we survived.

and that calls for a drink. coke anyone?

sometimes all you need is a good cry.
and three msn windows open simultaneously to rant and whine to.

sometimes things gets difficult
and then its all over and you look back and wonder how you survived.

sometimes.

—eve—

It gets annoying sometimes.

distances are now multiplied tenfold - eg going from the audi to lt4 seems like trekking across the sahara dessert. (fine fine… im exgagerrating)
and then theres the bane of the swinging doors - in air conditioned singapore, 95% of all doors are self closing. which means i need to lean a crutch against the wall, turn the knob and push the door open, quickly grab the crutches, push the door again (normally with shoulder) and then hop out b4 the door swings shut

but normally i do have friends with me - open doors, help grab my stuff, etc. (which is good) even if feel a bit pai seh (always! esp cuz ppl who take cab back with me ‘rela’ share the cab fare).

i guess thats just the reality and i aint got no choice but to live with it..

countdown to exams - 9 days (gulp)
and i dont know why but i cant seem to concentrate.
and it sucks.
and somehow .. i dunno .. sitting down and studying is like… the last thing i feel like doing these days. i guess thats what all students think. especially nearing exams.

sometimes i wish i could be more hardworking.

but its times when i feel like chucking my books — well, more like notes — against the wall (or dump them down a conveniently located 20storey hdb flat) that i need, seriously, to count my blessings. like im in singapore on scholarship (it is quite generous considering there is no bond whatsoever), i have friends, i have suffiecient money etc etc etc

hah. like that actually happens.
its more like i go on a protracted whine fest - to whoever (or whatever, i have been known to talk to my notes) happens to be near me. or i blog. or i sleep.

however, the saddest thing is, it. is. only. going. to. get. tougher. from. this. point. on. tougher as in expetations-wise (looking at uni students drowned in work), responsiblity, money, hormones yadda yadda yadda.

and a levels is only a basic qualification even if it is, technically, "advanced" .

long road to go. long. winding. challenging.

i’m sure we’ll make it.

someway or another.

—————————————

thanks for all ye well wishes and comments, they are very much appreciated *grin* and TANCE - 100th comment poster!!!!- lol.

-eve-

and when they come
the world seems so right

problems fade away,
everything will be ok

and when they leave
life seems that much harder

after a while
comings and goings

become routine -
but not quite

the joy is as sharp
the bittersweet as tangible

as the first time they came
or the first time you left

but more and more
things happen friends made

time doesnt slow
events dont pause

home is not
a thousand miles away

home is now
right where you’re at

together with family
together with friends

—-
*dedicated to all students studying overseas, and their parents.

and yeah, my family came and left and im still here.

eve.
—-

p.s. thanks for all the well wishes =D and all those who bother to comment. um. 3 more comments to a hundred. yay!