yet another pointless blog…

and it all started with a sms from my dad on friday afternoon : uem interview on the 28th. am faxing the leave letter to the school.

ha?

and so… i had to go back to kl, stay overnight (met my mum there), go to interview place, get back. sounds simple doesnt it? actually it was. and thus went my first time alone in kl (fine fine i was only alone for 10 hours, but what the heck)

—–

i have a school camp beginning tomorrow.

i am currently sleep deprived, hungry (skipped dinner, again) and haven’t started packing.

i will probably be more sleep deprived, sick and grumpy by the end of four days.

joy… sleeping on tables in a sleeping bag (which was someone elses who left it behind when they left the hostel)

ill live.

and probably enjoy myself too.

but still … *sigh*

what a way to start the holidays.

—–

ill be heading to vietnam with a whole stack of dirty laundry. im not kidding. *shrug* im sure dad has a washing machine.

—–

eve blogging when sleep deprived makes for very disjointed posts.

its very good to know that i have friends.

and … sooner or later, somehow… that simple fact makes everything seem okay. days seem brighter and nights less depressing.

ive probably been giving a very negative/whiny view of singapore. hehe. its not all like that, there are happy days and happy moments and times i feel like the world is perfect…and its not as few and far between as a person reading my blog would assume.

thanks for all those who took the time to comment, and yeah… dont be too concerned that im gonna commit suicide or smth (if u get what i mean)..

HOLIDAYS ARE ON THE WAY!!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!!

im going to be fine in the end.

and the jpa appeals are winding their way in.
and the political parties accruing tons of paper.

the stack of certs gets dusted off and reread.
the old testimonials rewritten.

and all this for the hope
the glimmer of hope
no matter how thin the sliver of chance
to get that all-important offer letter.

——

its funny what motivates students nowadays. promise them fun, give them friends and new wonders, but few are interested unless a certificate is on the way, then students jump at the chance.

its a bit sad when 5 years of school is condensed into one page.

that one page can never do justice to five years of life, of friends, of late-night studying and early-morning chatting and endless classes and hour-long phone calls …

but argueably, that one measly sheet of paper has more impact on the student’s future than anything else.

——-

so i guess it shouldn’t be much of a surprise then to find out that 99.9% of everything a typical Singaporean student is doing is for the sole aim of building an impressive testimonial.

time spent to unwind and relax is strictly timetabled into the schedule. rationed out, measured, and allocated.

instead of planning 1 hour to study and the rest is free time (which is what i used to do), its now 1 hour of free time and the rest to study.

but i suppose its all for the best isnt it?

its all for the sake of the straight As on the results slip….

——–

what happened to the girl i used to be?

the one that would eagerly try out everything and see, to hell with the classes or lessons i skip.
the one that thought nothing of spending 8 hours in front of the computer doing nothing important.
the carefree fella whos timetable consisted of month-long relaxness and then BOOM 1001 things happen in a day.
the one that would stay back an hour after band to chat and pretend to practice.
the one that purposely schedule debate sessions in order to skip history and moral.

——–

i guess its the way things are done here.
nothing is ever done ad-hoc, everythings planned 2 weeks in advance and it kills the joy of just "doing".

——–

or maybe its just me.

——–

day after day, time pass away …
and im wondering when all this’ll become routine.

tests are coming, biggest one next week being Bio Practical (A-Levels) Examination… which is scary, considering ive never being able to complete a prac in time. we’ll see how things go, cuz it is Very Important but i am really not so hopeful that i’ll be able to do well.

guess ill just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

—-

i need to start to do my homework on Saturdays instead of (literally) lying in bed the whole day. Because i have a lot to study, a lot to catch up on… and im doing nothing useful but watching old movies on my laptop… is there something wrong with me?

or rather … is there something wrong with the whole idea of me being here?

*sigh*

yep, ive noticed that there’s hardly an optimistic post on my blog. i know in my mind, that things will get better as i get more accustomed to post-form-5 life. but my heart seems dead set against believeing that it would improve. maybe its just (as usual) homesickness.

… but the thing is … its been four months already. FOUR. and i still dont feel like ive quite fitted in yet. on the other hand, i can survive as a loner so i guess that isnt such a big issue. but still, it is a change from being with ppl that i just "click" with, which ive been lucky enough to have practically my whole sec school life.

—-

yesterday. was. *sigh*

3 tests, phys, econs and p.e.

and i managed to ace the most useless of them all (p.e - 2.4km run in 13 mins 12 secs which i am quite proud off)
However… bad feeling about both phys and econs … cuz… not enough time to finish, plus the fact that i didnt know what i was writing. so, im predicting a barely-pass for both of them. if im lucky.

i should be doing better than this.

—-

perhaps i have to stop focusing on what "i should" but instead look to what "i am".

…. and perhaps one day the sky will turn neon green with pink polka dots on it.

—-

yeah, right.