yet another pointless blog…

it struck me a few times that i dont really know where my "home" is.

Issit here in hostel? in singapore? … not really … not exactly a "home" yet. Its just a place to stay, a temporary state i’ll be in for 2 years. im getting used to staying here, but its not home. not quite.

Some people say home is with your family. but that cant apply to me, i mean… where do you consider home when ur family is in 5 different countries? do i "pick" one member of the family, and say where he/she stays is my "home"? i doubt it. and anyway, i havent even stayed in the houses/apartments/flats of 3 of my family members. In which case, those places definately cannot be counted as home.

Home is where your heart is. mmmm… my heart is split… and theres noone (family, i mean) back in kuching, my hometown.  A lota friends are there tho, but its getting fewer now kuchingites are going to kl, england, states, etc to further thier studies. Sitiawan has been a "home" for my form 4 & 5 years, but its not quite the same now that my dad shifted to vietnam and i shifted to singapore. A home? yeah. MY home? Now? ummm. im not so sure. not now. not anymore.

so, where then is my "home" ?

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… but i suppose it doesnt really matter, really. even tho i sometimes feel like a plant uprooted and not yet planted back. i guess its that transition phrase of my life, where ive left my parents but cannot yet support myself. And transitions are supposed to be confusing.

even so, i would like a place, to put my anchor. a safe harbour, to rest.

searching for a place to call home…

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guess for now, ill regard home as whereever im staying at that moment. makes things less confusing. it not really the same tho, ive never had this problem before. maybe its just that im not living with my parents. maybe.

living on your own is much overrated.

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-eve-

———— yeah i realise this is my 50th post… and im whining. nth new is it?—-

dammit.

i hate next week… NONE of the days of the week i can go home b4 4. *sigh* make up tutorial for phys (2 hours on monday), make up practical bio on fri (2 hours)

*sigh*

tired…

am getting more and more homesick. which is weird. cuz like we’re supposed to adapt after time goes by… not the other way round.

maybe… just maybe… ill give up and come back.

but. but its like such a waste lor.. ill be forever thinking about the what-ifs.

then again… i always think about the what-ifs anyway.

but thats life isnt it?

life is forever being unprepared for everything cuz you only have one chance at it and by the time u figure life out its too late your not here anymore!  –> um… paraphased (very badly) from a terry pratchet book.

asean night last night… didnt meet any kuchingites(apart from marianne) there.. nor anyone from sitiawan . but then again i came late (dont ask) so didnt really mix that much. it gets lonely (yeah it does, tho i cant really figure out why since like in the hostel youre never really alone but… *sigh*

jpa save me.

–eve out– *stressed and depressed*

went back to acs yesterday… felt a bit odd… cuz just last year i used to be one of those students looking out of the windows and seeing jeans-clad ex-students… now im suddenly one of them, visitors to the school.

andthen i got dragged into the debate’s team discusssion — "consumers play a larger role than the goverment in curbing inflation" wah…. so much more complex than last years (which was still stuff bout education and sibsize and handphones.) they just went to the state finals this morn… unfortunately they lost =(

but i dont know… it feels odd. once again… i’m suddenly the senior exdebator coming in to help … and poke holes in arguements. and the juniors (esp the f4 and f3s) are looking at me with these half-panicked puppy-eyed looks, a little scared, a little overawed? ive turned into one of those who are explaining and unravelling points… which i couldnt imagine doin ever(cuz kelvin and chee eng were the ones doin it b4… so yeah …)

the debate team is getting more sane and rational tho… gone are the days of we kids chasing each other all over the room, stating useless points (foreign unis are better cuz we get more "exposure" snigger snigger snigger), forcing one person to debate against 3…. etc etc etc

——

jpa interview just over… it was okay… i guess… but i wasnt the noisiest… and my bm sucked. but jpa was always a lottery anyway. met up with old friends… made new ones (well as much as u can make frens in an hour….) *shrug* i dont have such a good feeling about my chances so ill just let it drop.

sc interview coming up tomorow… i have no idea how i got this one… i wrote the essay when i was quite rushed…and panicked cuz homework was piling up. and it was a 700-800 word essay.i took a day to do it, sorta… writing on and off.

hmm…. i dont think i should be too hopeful, cuz… its a whole lotta competition out there… but ill just give everything my best shot.

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and abt singapore… i didnt manage to get into ODAC, so im back in project eureka (yay slackers galore)