yet another pointless blog…

hm….

history….

right.

-this post is just an excuse to bore you’all to death-
Sypnosis of Pages 14-17 Sejarah Form 1

OHHH no……. the big bad PENJAJAH BARAT has INVADED our LANDS!!!
and We Obviously HATE all annoyin (but unfortunately pwerful) invaderS!!
why the not-so-sudden revolt?

1) they introduced MODERN WESTERN ADMINISTRATIVE BUREAUCRACY! Oh the horror… theyre taking advantange of OUR citizens and they seem all-stuck-up and only mix with ruling classes… -rant-

2) Its against our RELIGION.

3) Theres really cool NOVELS and LITERATURE about all our numerous sufferings and disappointments

with the western rulers  (eg. dont touch me!! — jose rizal)

4) they give us SUCKY EDUCATION and dont teach peasants.

5) SMART ASSES (intellectuals!?) went overseas, saw the great treatment western citizens were
getting, jealous, came back and demanded the same.

6) NEWSPAPERS and MAGAZINES appeared to tell us to revolt. -oh and then they got banned,surprise surprise.-

7) TRANSPORT!! COMMUNICATIONS!! NOw the rants can reach more ppl!!!!!!  now dissatisfied peons can yak to each other….

hey look!! everyone else has started revolting. why dont us? — OUTSIDE INFLUENCES.

Pages 18 - 23

Filipines.
JOse Rizal complained, formed "Liga Filipina", then got himself exiled.
In comes KATIPUNAN, which printed a newspaper-Kalayan, advocated armed revolution….
Bonafacios was killed by Emilio Aguinaldo who called USA.
UNITED STATES interfered…. Spain got replced by Uncle Sam.

Indonesia.
Step One : eDUCate the peons. (in come novels… NO DARK! LIGHTS ON! - Raden Adjeng Kartini)
Step Two : Form moderate parties. (muhammadiyah)
Step Three: Form radical parties (PKI, SI, PNI..) cuz the others got ignored.
Step Four : Piss the Hollanders off, get your party banned.

IndoChina.
We Prefer OUR KINGS to be in power! GO AWAY! —> Mandarins
WE want Western Education! — > middle class western educated ppl
One failed revolution by Phan Boi Chau
a few revolts by VNQPH … owh look we got banned.
In come VNQDD and PKV… French killed VNQDD leader, Mr Ho ran to hong kong..

Burma
SHOES!! TAKE EM OFF BEFORE U STEP INTO OUR TEMPLES U IGNORANT WESTERNERS!!

Thailand
HEY STOP THE MONARCH FROM SPENDING ALL OUR MONEY!!

—–end———–
look i know you’re bored with this… i never forced you to read it….

more ramblings on religion

so i guess a few ppl are wondering why i havent accepted God yet (either that or im just narcisstic)
this post provides a partial answer.

Besides the very obvious Do I want to believe in God/s? (or Do i believe in God/s?) … which still remains unanswered, there are a few other points/questions i’m grappling with.
——————

but before i get to that..theres a few things i want to state.

1) I will not convert because of fear.
    
ok fine, this may be a bit obvious, but there you go. Fear includes fear of what will happen in the afterlife (in other       words, i will not convert as an "insurance" against going to hell when i die), fear of God himself, fearing illness and death, etc. IMO, a relationship (even a relationship with God), that starts off by fear… wont get anywhere.

2) I will not convert just to "fit in"
   
This is another obvious one, i wont change just because everyone expects me to. Everyone once thought the world was flat.

3) I will not convert in the hopes that it’ll  make me "a better person" or provide "a better life"
Being a better person… has really nothing much to do with me converting or not. Granted, religion does provide a moral framework for me to follow, but, as for that, well, i roughly know already what i consider "right" and "wrong" –but i dont claim any authority over anyone’s elses ethics, i myself am still learning and growing. 

As for providing a better life… IMO thats converting because of fear (fear of living badly, fear of failure…)

——————
Now for a few of the questions (note that this is not the complete list) — a.k.a. the things i need to know while choosing a religion, so i know what im getting into.

1) Who is God(s) and what kind of God(s) is He?

God, in Christianity, as far as I know, refers to the Holy Trinity (dad, kid, hallucination… -kidding. also bad taste.-) of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. As for the what kind of God.. apparently thats not so simple and i wont attempt to answer it. Suffice to say that paradoxes abound e.g. issit really possible to be Just and Kind at the same time? Justice brings with it Punishment and Punishment usually has nothing to do with Kindness…
 
         a)Do i REALLY want to get closer to God? -bearing in mind all His supposed qualities…-
 
         b)Am I prepared to respect and obey Him?

2) What are the teachings?

Bleh. this will take the whole Bible to answer. But…
   
       a) DO i Agree with the all the teachings and principles?
   
        b) Am i willing to accept and obey WITHOUT regarding it as a chore?
      
Obviously, if i do not agree with all the teachings/principles/rules advocated by the religion (this includes teachers/priests/church structure as well as the things mentioned in the Bible) its definately not a good idea to convert. For as far as I can tell, its not exactly a choice. I can’t very well say that oh, i’ll obey this rule but not this other rule because i dont think this other one is sensible. Basically an all-or-nothing situation.

3) How is the religion practised?

This one differs from church to church, and even more from one denomination(i think thats wrongly spelt) to another but i think the basic structure of Mass is unchanged. if im not mistaken, more or less its praise & worship/readings/sermon/collection/doxology. Right. So once i get the details hammered out…
        a) DO I think it’s a waste of time? (honestly, right now… this is still a yes for me.)
   
       b)  HoW much am i prepared to get involved?

4) What is the actual meaning of convertion and what does it entail?

Um. I’m actually a bit blur about that… so u guys are welcome to enlighten me =P
   
        a)Am i prepared to convert?
   
        b)Will i be committed to it for the rest of my life?
   
        c)Do i really, i mean really, want to do this (it involves the rest of my life and afterlife. =D) ?

——————-

As you can see, theres quite a few things i need to learn, and a few questions i need to answer for myself before making a choice.
——————-

eve signing off.. (ARGH!!!! SPM ………)

right. for a change, im not gonna rant about the stupid education system, the exams or my life. for once, im going to admit that exams (yes, and cramming and memorizing if it comes to that) does serve quite a huge purpose.

—-
and the number 1 arguement against exams probably goes somewhere along these lines, “Look, by 2 weeks after the exams, ill probably forget all the facts that i learnt. so whats the whole point?!”

ahh.. but exams are not just about memorizing facts and regurgigating memorized facts…(tho it might seem like it esp if youre a poor embattled gonna-sit-for-the-public-exams student). thats actually not even the major part of it (well, so yeah, it is for the guy-looking-at-uni-application forms la.. but more about that later.)

the most important part of it(to the student) is –> cultivating attitudes and habits and work ethics that are going to be indispensible later on in life. its not about being able to rattle off the periodic table, or knowing how to calculate the latent heat capacity of water, or knowing the factors that lead to the formation of Malaysia. it doenst matter, really, that after the exams all is forgotton.

because what will not change, is the fact that Student X (net addict, never studied one whit until exam season…) actually managed to sit down and concentrate on studying for at least 2 hours. every day. and realizing that its not impossible, and that when push comes to shove, it can be done again.

and you never actually totally forget everything. look, if someone asked me to recall offhand something from form 3 geography… i probably wont be able to. but… the most basic/vital/interesting facts are stored somewhere in my brain and even if they’re not, i know where and what kinda of resources to look them up.

more on the “that are going to be indispensible later on in life” —> one skill, every student learns (basically because it is forced upon em) is stress management. be it the actually-sitting-the-exam kinda stress, or the longer but slightly less panicked exams-are-so-soon-and-i-havent-studied, or the oh my goodness my parents are gonna kill me if i dont do well stress.. it all has to be managed by the student. and its best to learn this skill now, instead of in the future when youre working (boss : ive been monitoring ur performance lately. employee : what?!? uve been spying on me? -paranoia sets in- i never even want to work here again. i actually never really liked it but hearing u spy on me is the last straw…)

attitudes and habits and work ethics…. paraphrased from a book, a interviewer saying : we look at the grades, not only as an indication of intelligence, but also as a measure of how well the candidate can manage working consistently for a protracted lenght of time

in other words, high grades are an indication of 1) commitment (to being able to commit to studying something even tho its tedious and irrelevent), 2) proper work ethics (i mentiond this earlier.. to be able to sit down and study), 3) willingness to listen to authority (accepting that the only way to score is to follow the answer schemes.) … all of these which will be infinitely valueable to anyone wishing to futhur their careers.

————
so exams do serve a purpose after all.

however… dont be surprised if on the very next entry… i start ranting about exams again.

having this way too often.

another rambly rant, this time with no effort to make it readable.
in short, just venting my feelings. will try to keep it clean, but itll still be incoherent.

and spm is coming. i dont think ill ever be prepared for it. and thats the students worse nightmare isnt it? sitting for exams without knowing crap about the question… and then panic sets in. with panic, even the questions that should be easily answered are incoherent. end result : bad results. or panic can set in even when things are seemingly goin well. one minute section of a question that is unanswerable.. and boom. there goes the calmness. there goes dreams, ambitions, plans…

but panic happens outside the exam halls as well. its the kind of panic that gets me thinking along this lines : damnnit i cant study but i need to be studying but i cant and im lazy even tho im not supposed to be lazy but somehow i cant study and nothings registering and im dumb. but i know im not dumb so what the heck is the problem with me? the problem is there is no problems so i have nothing to blame if i flunk and i know im so gonna flunk so why bother trying but thats a bad idea cuz exams are so near however i still cant study theres something seriously wrong with my head… -so on and so forth-
meanwhile, the book remains unopend, unnoticed and unread. and this can continue for hours. i have issues.

saturdays seem to be catching me unawares, leaving me with bad moods and feelings of inadequateness. and my brain does not function at all. repeat, at all. and i do seriously stupid, dangerous or just annoying and rude things. or i just dont do. anything.

i suppose its not a matter of me being dumb. its more of me-not-living-up-to-my-potential. but the funny thing is, its not really parental or peer pressure. its just this inner feeling that i should be doing more, that i should be achieving more, that i should be trying harder, that im not doin my best. that sorta thing. i dont know. but being online isnt exactly the most productive way to spend my time. i think im addicted to net. how wonderful.

“its a form of escapism isnt it? doing anything BUT what youre supposed to be doing” –> from my ex-temp-bm teacher. yep yep. thats what it is. its not good but… it happens.

-eve out-