yet another pointless blog…

(post-exam-result rant)

I’m sick.
I’m sick of memorizing pointless facts.
I’m sick of remembering answer schemes.
I’m sick of trying to spot questions.
I’m sick of trying to read the examiner’s mind.
I’m sick of pretending that other’s opionions are my own.

I’m tired.
I’m tired of seeing other students ask for marks.
I’m tired of asking for marks.
I’m tired of the system that justify’s me asking for marks.
I’m tired of hearing that my future depends solely on my exam results.
I’m tired of believing that my worth is measured in exam grades.
I’m tired of my friends’ comparing results.
I’m tired of me thinking its neccessary to compare results .
I’m tired of seeing people being upset for missing an A grade by half a mark.
I’m tired of being upset by missing an A by half a mark.

I’m depressed.
I’m depressed to see my whole world narrowing down to spm.

I’m sick and tired and depressed.

–how i love malaysia’s education system–

right.

so the past few days (almost 2 weeks) ive been having these REALLY REALLY giganticly HUGE mood swings.

the thing is … i dont usually get these sorta things. and b4 you ask, no its not connected to PMS.

something seems to be changing in me.

well, time’s still moving along.. bro just left for uni..spm is getting closer…gonna be leaving this place soon… I CAN DRIVE! LOL.

trials, trials, trials… never thought id be this worried about exams. stress is getting to me. really. the last few exams were.. like.. oh exams har? .. sigh… this exam is more .. TRIAL!?!? OH NO!… ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…-panic-

so i dread the proper spm. if this is trials.. how much more worse is the real thing gonna be?

yeah,  i know  , spm is just the start. theres years and years of assignments, tests, studies… ahead of me. and that particular road is winding. but ill walk it when the time comes.

aside from that.. i seem to be getting really really distracted by the most pointless things unrelated to studies… its just escapism i suppose (to quote the lines of my one-time-temp-bm-teacher =D ) to do anything BUT study. me? ive been working on my coder/decoder/helper tools to solve chees blog (which i dont really want to/need to read but its fun to solve lol) PLUS recently just done up a "network".. if 2 comps can be counted as a network lol.

the future?

thinking about it. most prolly gonna do a pure science degree first.. cuz i dont know what i wanna be when i grow up. life goes on.

life goes on.