yet another pointless blog…

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t speak at all
I can’t do a wrong
Or else I’m locked up
All the day long.
When I awake I’m all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come
I’ll try and be nice,
So maybe I’ll get just
One whipping tonight.
Don’t make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He’s already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

————–
child abuse is a sad thing.
——-
and maybe my life isnt so bad after all.

this will be another protracted (or not so protracted) rant.
-or just random musings …-

–> i cant believe i squeaked on a 3.5 reed (4 times.) imagine the volume of the squeaks.

–> my life seems to be spinning outta control. dunno why.
        dunno why i do the things i do
        dunno why i feel the way i do
        dunno much about anything worth knowing
        dunno anything at all.
        — final years not all its cracked up to be.—
         – i am so not good at writing –

–> i need a vacation. a proper one. (yesh , one where i get lost and start cursing at maps, at which point i try to find out compass points using the directions of the sun and search for road signs. or maybe just a trip back to kuching, roam all the old places with all my old friends.. swear at the bus system)

–> SPM . nuff said.

–> for some reason, i dont feel enthusiastic about… anything. at all. sad life isnt it.

–> and the 100 million dollar question .. what do i do with the rest of my life?
        Ans : i dont know, trying to survive this day/week/month so much that i dont bother with the rest of my life.

–> i miss kuching.

–> oh. i forgot. this shuldhaf been up like ages ago. -happy retirement to Mr Christopher Tan, now ex-headmaster of STS.-

–> Simple Plan lyrics sum up my life pretty well (yes, i know, and all the other teens too.)
            - and u dont know what its like, when nothing feels alright-
              - how could this happen to me?-
              - on the edge of breaking down-
              - in a perfect world, this would never happen-

–> yea i know. this is boring. but it isnt up for u amusement anyway. its just . HERE.

–> you’re still reading?

–> i just want … to be able to not have anything on . at all. go back to the ol’ eat, sleep, tv, comp routine for about a month. not gonna happen anytime soon, but i can always dream.

–> need. to. stop. procastinating. need. to. stop. procastinating. need. to. stoo……..